We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
