You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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