wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
