SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
