Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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