wanna go halves on a baby?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
