Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize