This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
