Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
