Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
