Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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