last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I will pee on everything he values.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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