How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
