After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
