You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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