So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
