Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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