all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
