I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
