yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I want to be your penis for a week.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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