Welp...herpes.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
