i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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