Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
