I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Boobs speak an international language.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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