that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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