I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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