i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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