next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
