I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
