I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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