I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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