This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
