I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
