remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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