You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I had to cum in my sink.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
