you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Send help, water and tortillas.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
