Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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