i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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