blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
