The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
