his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
