She went from zero to smokin in five shots
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
