But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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