who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
