yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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