bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
