These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
