For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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