I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
