Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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