I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
