Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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