We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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