Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
