he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
