I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
