i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
