So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
