Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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