people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
