So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
