when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
We need to rekindle our bromance
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
