is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize