What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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