just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
