two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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