I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize
